Concerning Mr. Bourdain

If I ever wrote a letter to Anthony Bourdain, it would look a lot like this:

Dear Tony,

This letter mostly concerns your claim that Veganism/Vegetarianism is a 1st world lifestyle, insinuating that I must live in a pleasure palace of cushy diversity, eating a cute little starfruit one day, a prickly pear the next, all the while behaving as if I do no harm and am holier than thou.

I guess I understand where you picked this attitude up. I've never met any myself, but I'm sure that prickley, snooty vegans exist out there. I hear about them on television programs, and it seems like every sit com features a wacky fun time psychic/vegan/new age-y character. I suppose it's easy to assume that these folks are it. Or maybe you've gathered that all vegans unanimously worship PETA, an organization so infantile and reactionary that we could easily both hate them (for different reasons, of course) together.

But regardless, Tony, you're going to have to accept that there are other kinds of vegans out there. I don't care what people around me eat--it's really no concern of mine. I think PETA is an irresponsible institution, seeking to guilt children into accepting a lifestyle that they don't really understand, maybe leading to health problems.

I do despise factory farming, though, and for all the ruckus you make about individuals carving out their own niche, it seems like you would hate it more too.

You would like to imagine that I would burn your house down for eating foie gras, but honestly Tony, I don't give a fuck. Eat a still-beating cobra heart for all I care, you're clearly okay with the decisions that you make. Maybe don't try so hard to be concerned with the ones that I make.

I've never spent summers in France. I don't dine at fancy restaurants. I don't dine at fast food joints. I'll probably never find my way to rural China to have a small banquet thrown in my honor. But if I do, You can be certain that I'll eat whatever they give me. I don't think that eating animals is inherently wrong. I just think that factory farming is bullshit, and I think that your smug, globe-trotting self should fuck off when it comes to acting like a goddamned streetwise cool daddy-o.

fuck you,

Heath McFarland

P.S: The Laos episode of "No Reservations" was truly heartbreaking. Thank you for showing what you did.

P.P.S: Nice sunglasses, you fucking dork.